I just don't understand

"So Contagious" by Acceptance is marvelous :)

I was lying in bed this morning after I woke up thinking too much.
I was just thinking about how there really is nothing left for me here. nothing at all.
and I was thinking that I should move to my dad's and go to DVC (local community college down there) instead of staying up here and going to Butte.
I doubt I'm going to meet anybody of consequence up here. there are just so many people in this area, I know I haven't met a lot, but I've met enough.
I want to meet people from different walks of life, people who have drive and ambition, people I can learn from.
and I highly doubt there's anybody like that up here.
I mean, I'm up for surprises, but I still doubt it.

oh, and last night while they were kissing I just thought that I'll probably be alone forever.
I'll never have somebody (okay, this is weird for me to say) that will pull me against their body in a tight embrace, that will use me as a pillow as they fall asleep smiling, that will just love me.
I'll always be the friend.
the friend that will wake up to them making out.
I just don't understand why. why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why why why why why why why why
I just don't understand
(obviously!)

not to mention when I got on myspace today O sent me a message and it just made me feel even worse.
I'm just a bad person. if I had been at home I would've bawled my eyes out.












and I thought about it.
a lot actually.
LONELY
AS FUCK