I dreamt about him.

he was in my living room
cute as ever
sitting in a chair
dark, long-sleeved, v-neck shirt
hair perfect
everything about him was perfect.
I changed in the kitchen,
told him not to look.
to which he so very rudely replied,
"Why would I want to?"
the animosity was tangible,
could be cut
with the dullest of plastic cutlery.

I don't know why, but this dream made an impact.
was closure too much to ask for?

high school musical 3 makes me sad / other

it makes me realize that high school was nothing of how it should have been. (does that sentence even work? I swear I've gotten dumber without an English class.) no boyfriend. no real dances (aside from prom, but that's another story). prom wasn't AT ALL what it should have been. nobody asked me, I asked him. he didn't pick me up. no corsage, no group pictures. he didn't even pay for my dinner, nor did he wear a tux. it was fun at the time, but looking back, it was just dreadful. I was depressed for 2 years, starting junior year. I don't think even one single person liked me as more than a friend. no dates. no real high school parties. none of it was how it should've been.

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I just want them to believe in me. that's all. that would be nice. I can count on one hand, at least no more than two, how many people I feel comfortable talking about my dreams with. I wish I could count them in, but I can't.

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I love this kid, I really honestly do, but he just doesn't get it. nor do I think he ever will.

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Seattle? more than ever.

you look so good in blue.

wow, I don't feel very good. at all. my throat feels funny. I'm starting to burn up and my stomach is somewhat upset. I'm a little confused to be quite honest.

okay, freakin a. Parker's working an event in Sactown at some point during the next 10 days. I want to crash it sooooooooo bad hahahaha.
<3

I realllllllly don't feel good :/

but on a lighter note, I counted the money in my change tin and I have about $64 and I'm going to save it. for what, I'm not sure yet, but I'm not spending a dime of it.

get me the hell out of here

this place is no longer home

it's just not

1)

2)

I'm kind of obsessed with this video right now. my friend Forrest made it and I love it. it really makes me want to go to NYC. incredibly bad.

.

crap, what was I going to say?
I have no idea.

I love what I do. I hate going to school.

oh! I remember! in regards to my last post, this might be a decent February afterall. I'm not sure yet though.

and, in all honesty (I don't mean to be cocky), I would love to have a friend like me. someone that will just listen and try and help me if I need it. someone that no matter what else is going on, I can just tell them what's wrong. but I can't do that. first off, I don't really share much, and secondly I feel bad when I talk about myself. I don't know, it's complicated. and it's not like I can talk to anyone about this even. oh whatever. but I do want a best friend. I went for years without one, then all of a sudden I had like 50, and now I'm back down to zero. I mean I have best friends, just none of them live here anymore. I want a best friend that I hang out with all the time and stuff.

I love Olivia :D
I want to move away. far away. out of this God forsaken state.
I'm absolutely exhausted and I have to get up in less than 6 hours.
I have so much to say.

sometimes I feel guilty for not having a close relationship with my parents, but, well I don't know.

I don't get it. what makes her so much better than I am? really, answer me that question. please, I would love to finally understand why. I've been wondering my entire life and I would just like to know once and for all.

and at this rate, it might be a February like the rest. I don't want it to be, but secretly I do. I don't know. I just don't know.

I want to get lost in the city.