love letter.

11/26/10

jerry,
You drive me mad. Everything you say, I just want more. In case you haven't noticed, I'm in love with you and I realize that it's completely illogical, but since when did love and logic have anything to do with each other? Part of me hopes that once you read this (granted I actually send this) you'll realize how much you love me too. But that's just the hopeless romantic in me that won't die, no matter how many times I try to kill it, (and believe me, I've tried). I'm hoping this won't change our relationship as friends, but I have an awful premonition it will.
I think I have this complex of wanting to fix people, to show them that someone really does care, but with the selfish hope that they'll maybe fall in love with me. And let's be honest, it's worked out so well for me in the past. I blame no one but myself (and the media of course), but it's 99% me. I just want to love people, it's all I've wanted since I was 3.
And I told you this, I'd rather fight with you than not talk to you at all. You mean the world to me and I don't think you realize that. I want your ups and your downs, your good and your bad, your beautiful days and your ugly ones, and everything in between.
I've also to you this before, I was immediately drawn to you from the moment I walked into Melissa's bedroom and met you for the first time. And we talked about handsoap that day, and I have to tell you that everytime I see Bath&Body Works pineapple handsoap I think of you. I know these feelings are all one-sided, you told me that last time I tried to explain how I felt, so it's, well it is what it is. I really do miss our middle of the night phone calls though, there were some of my favorite moments this year.
I know that I must seem to be out of my mind and I probably am. There's so much more I want to say but I can't find the right words, so I'll leave it at this. I love you. End of fucking story.

:|] (^^^),
candace

p.s. this took me 50 minutes to write and it probably took you about two minutes to read and now you'll probably stop talking to me. oh well. "live, grow, move on. be human once again."

sethulum. 11/13/10

girl 10:42am: Good mornin'

boy 11:23am: Yo candy ice!

girl 11:24am: Haha. So my aunt's thing is at 6, and i can't imagine it going past 8

boy 11:25am: 8 it is:)

girl 11:27am: Want me to meet you at your house?

boy 11:34am: I'll let you know later on, i might get my mothers car

girl 11:35am: Alrighty. Imma go watch harry potter now, so i'll talk to you later :)

boy 11:35am: Nice! Latas on the menjays!

girl 11:36am: Menjays??

boy 11:37am: Haha It's from i love you man!

girl 11:39am: Oh okay. Now that you say that it makes more sense haha

boy 11:40am: Haha i bet, It's a strange saying

girl 11:40am: Tis haha. Good movie though

boy 11:52am: My favorite comedy. When's your birthday candizzle?

girl 11:53am: It was this past tuesday, why?

boy 11:54am: Because I remember it being recent. Sorry i missed.... Happy belated birthday!

girl 11:56am: Haha don't worry about it. Last year my dad called me on the wrong day. And thank you sethula

boy 11:57am: Haha That's nuts! So you were pretty young when you graduated huh?

girl 12:00pm: Yeah, i was barely 17 and a 1/2. I was 4 when I started kindergarten

boy 12:01pm: Dang! Haha

girl 12:03pm: Yeah, around most of my friends i'm the baby of the group, but when i'm around you and eva and ginger, et al, i feel ancient haha

boy 12:04pm: I'll try to be as old as i can tonight ;)

girl 12:07pm: Haha well i won't blame you if you aren't, i wouldn't mind being 17 again haha

boy 12:11pm: Haha yeah, from what i've heard the world is tough haha

girl 12:12pm: :P it is, but i love it all the same :)

boy 12:15pm: Yeah, if it helps i cannot wait for high school to end

girl 12:24pm: I was terrified of it ending until probably halfway through first semester of senior year then i couldn't wait. But now that i'm out i wish i could go back knowing what i know now

boy 12:25pm: Yeah i hear that all the time haha i'm sue it's going to happen to me

girl 12:26pm: It will, never fear haha

boy 12:26pm: Haha dang, i guess that's life eh?

girl 12:29pm: It is, and it's tough :P i hate that as soon as you realize something it really doesn't make a difference because you can't go back. I wish we had timeturners

boy 12:37pm: This is a depressing conversation haha

girl 12:38pm: Sorry! Haha. Something super exciting: harry potter comes out in 6 days!

boy 12:39pm: Something more exciting is that i get to see it two days before FO FREE!

girl 12:41pm: Seth! I'm so jealous! I'm going to midnight showing, so it's almost as good haha

boy 12:42pm: Almost. Just you'll be tired and $8.50 will be out of your wallet

girl 12:45pm: yeah, i'll be rather exhausted but i will have jusee seen harry freaking potter so i'll probably be on a high from that and i'll be awake for awhile haha. As for the money thing, well yeah, but that can't be helped haha

boy 12:47pm: I win!!

girl 12:49pm: Only because you work at a movie theater. It wasn't a fair fight

boy 1:04pm: Actually you win, because the free movies are not worth it when you work there haha

girl 1:09pm: Haha. We'll call this one a tie then?

boy 1:12pm: Agreed

girl 1:13pm: :) well now that we got sidetracked again, i'm gonna watch harry potter for reals this time :)

boy 1:17pm: Haha do it! Talk to ya later

girl 1:17pm: Farewell :)

----

girl 4:48pm: So my mum said we'd probably be done between 8:30 and 9. Is that okay?

boy 4:49pm: Cool beans

girl 4:52pm: I'll let you know when i've managed to escape haha

boy 4:52pm: Haha okay awesome

----

boy 8:32pm: Almost tizzime?

girl 8:34pm: Gah, i freakin hope so. I rode with my parents, i should've come separately. Cake and presents are through with, so i'm hoping super soon

boy 8:34pm: Want me to pick you up?

girl 8:36pm: Here or at mi casa?

boy 8:38pm: Okay so, my mom said i could have the car but she doesn't want me to take it to chcio, so i could pick you up wherever you're at then we could go to your place and pick up your car, you down? Haha

girl 8:40pm: My mom wants me to wait. How about when i go home i just come pick you up?

boy 8:41pm: Haha okay, do you know how long?

girl 8:42pm: My mom said a few a minutes and it takes us about 10 minutes to get home and then i'll be on my way. So maybe 30 minutes?

boy 8:46pm: Hmmm... I hate to say this, but it may be too late, i'd have to be back home at like 11 or 1130 because i'm super lame and young haha. What if we postponed our hang out session?

girl 8:48pm: Actually my mom said it's fine if you wanna come pick me up right now

boy 8:48pm: Haha okay awesome! Where at?

girl 8:49pm: [insert address here]

boy 8:50pm: Can i call you for directions? Haha

roboshark. November 23, 2010

(^^^) 12:11pm: I had an interesting/weird dream about you again last night haha

:|] 1:04pm: Weird

(^^^) 1:07pm: You've no idea.

:|] 1:20pm: Spill it

(^^^) 1:47pm: It's long, so fair warning. I worked at Safeway with you and a bunch of other people I know. Something happened that was caught on camera (somebody was tied to a chair or something) and our boss thought we did something illegal so she was going to fire all of us. We tried to explain that n othing happened but she didn't really believe any of us. the she asked you and someone else to go outside with her and you said "Well if I'm going outside I think Candace should come too." I was pissed because I thought you were blaming me and trying to get me fired. Then when we got outside and the boss was yelling at us, you wrapped me up in your arms and told me that you weren't going to let anything bad happen to me (even though you had no control over the boss' final decision). And then out of nowhere you kissed me and it was a really awkward kiss and the only thing I could think was "Well, Jerry's number 9, I'm happy about that." And then it was later in the dream and you were talking to some people and I went over to say hi, but you completely ignored me.

:|] 1:51pm: :( that went everywhere. Ugh kindof a bad dream

(^^^) 1:54pm: I didn't think so... Well I suppose it kind of was, but I didn't focus on those parts

:|] 1:56pm: Yeah.. Detailed again though

(^^^) 1:59pm: Always. Told you :P there was more (end of the world, prison, saving my grandma) but I figured I'd leave that out haha

:|] 2:00pm: Hahaha oh okay.

(^^^) 2:09pm: :) so needless to say it was weird

:|] 2:28pm: Pretty weird.

(^^^) 2:38pm: What can I say? I have a very active imagination haha. You ever seen Love Actually?

:|] 3:46pm: I have not. Is it a romantic comedy?

(^^^) 3:58pm: More comedy than romance, but yes

:|] 4:21pm: I think i may have a bit. Do you like it a lot?

(^^^) 4:33pm: It's one of my favorite movies of all time. Definitely my favorite Christmas-time movie

:|] 6:06pm: Oh wow. Sounds like i should give it a try yeah?

(^^^) 6:07pm: Please do! It's hilarious has so many great people in it

by Jon Rawlinson

song: Please Don't Go by Barcelona


I don't really know why, but this song and video make me want to cry. but in a good way.

friday nov. twelve - saturday nov. thirteen

boy 10:37pm: You!

girl 10:38pm: You! What's up ma boy?

boy 10:40pm: I just got back from the corning vs pv game haha

girl 10:40pm: Oh fun. Who won?

boy 10:43pm: Pv, it was our bye week because we're the bomb diggati/the number one seed and we play the winner of that game, which was Pv

girl 10:44pm: You gonna win that one?

boy 10:49pm: You know it! So what's going on, i'm really sorry i haven't been talking to you lately, my bad totally

girl 10:52pm: Good, that's what i like to hear! Um, well currently i just now finished watching the imaginarium of doctor parnassus (amazing btw), but more generally i've just been working and moving. I'm having a hard time being 20 actually, i don't like it at all. How've you been dear?

boy 10:57pm: The world is a tough place eh? So where you moving again? On your own or with your mom? And i've been pretty grand, the band has been practicin quite a bit :D

girl 11:00pm: Haha yeah, it is, but oh well. I wish i was moving out, but i need a decent job and no hospital bills for that. We're moving by where eva used to live, kind of on the back of tony's (from what i hear). Yay! Does that mean that i'll actually get to take your pictures sometime soon?

boy 11:03pm: Hospital bills? Oh you'll be so close to tony's! Walking distance actually. Also, yes pretty soon we'll get some pictures done :) football just needs to end haha. Just another week and a half!

girl 11:09pm: Yeah, from my alcohol poisoning last year, remember? That means we'll hang out more then, right? Being so close and all? Haha. yay! I'm excited, i've been having photographic withdrawals hahaha. ANNND i got a bunch of film for my birthday so i'll bring out some of my film babies ;)

boy 11:14pm: Haha film babies... Also yes, we should hang out more please, not just because you'll live by tony, but because we need to. And i forgot about that! I'm glad you are sober now. And we will take pictures soon!

girl 11:20pm: We do need to hang out more, just because you're fun haha. And i still need to make you some milk chocolate chip cookies :) yeah, i'm glad i'm sober now too, i almost feel like drinking is a form of cheating at life. I don't know if that makes sense or not haha. And i'm really looking forward to ze pictures. How's the music coming along anyway?

boy 11:30pm: I think you're fun so i completely agree. And i actually do understand. The band is going great! It feels right for sure

girl 11:32pm: Hoorah! And i'm glad that somebody kind of gets it at least :) good, i'm really glad, it's so great when things feel right.

boy 11:34pm: Haha for sure:) you going to the game friday?

girl 11:35pm: I definitely will be :) it's up here right?

boy 11:37: Yes mam :)

girl 11:39pm: Awesome :) I will definitely there to support you then ma dear boy. But maybe throw the ball once in awhile this time? :P

boy 11:41pm: Haha well my dad calls the shots... But paradise is a running offense, especially in the rain haha

girl 11:43pm: Is it supposed to rain? And tell your dad that candace parker requests a few extra throws please haha

boy 11:45pm: Haha i will :) and yes it might rain :(

girl 11:47pm: Well then i'll just have to come decked out in ma raingear then won't i? Haha. I love the rain

boy 11:48pm: Do it! I do too actually :) just no durin football...

girl 11:50pm: Well yeah haha. Just look at it as an excuse to get extra dirty. that was always my favorite part of sports

boy 11:51pm: Yeah, i would like it, but it sucks to take snaps when the ball is wet and throwing of course

girl 11:52pm: Fair enough. I'll just make for an interesting game then ;) assuming that it rains of course haha

boy 11:55pm: Yes for sure haha what are your plans tomorrow?

girl 11:56pm: Nada, pourquoi? I mean i have my aunt's birthday dinner, but other than that i'm free as a bird

boy 11:58pm: We should totally hang out!

girl 11:58pm: What do you wanna do? :)

boy 12:02am: Let's go hang out in chico or somethin, we'll figure out what to do haha

girl 12:03am: Hahaha alright. One car or two?

boy 12:05am: One car! Not only is my car broken, gas will be saved, and it's just not as fun to go in two

girl 12:06am: True statement haha. So i'll pick you up then?

boy 12:10am: Sorry that the last message did not make sense haha. But might get my mom's car, so I'll let you know. What time is your aunts dinner?

girl 12:11am: Oh okay :) ummm, i think it's at either 6 or 7 probably

boy 12:11am: You wanna go before or after?

girl 12:14am: What works better for you? I don't think my aunt's thing should be more than a couple of hours

boy 12:15am: Hmmm, after sounds good?

girl 12:18am: Sounds fabulous my dear. Should we have a general time so i can skedattle if need be?

boy 12:20am: When's the earliest you can leave, the earlier the better:)

girl 12:23am: I really don't know. I'll find out in the morning , and let you know then :)

boy 12:27am: Thank you muchly :)

girl 12:29am: You're welcome muchly. Well i'm gonna read some harry potter and get some shut eye. I'll to you in the morning. Sleep well :)

boy 12:30am: Mee too! Night kid

girl 12:31am: Omg, you do the "kid" thing too?! Hahahaha :P

boy 12:34am: Haha i like sayin it

girl 12:35am: I do too actually. Only i generally say it to someone who actually is younger than i am :P

boy 12:36am: Well i like sayin it to girls haha

girl 12:38am: Hahaha why??

boy 12:40am: Because That's what the used to say in the 20s haha i really like it. don't make fun! I'm really into the 20s...

girl 12:42am: I'm not making fun :) i'm a fan of the '20s as well. Plus, that's the decade my grandparents were born

boy 12:43am: That's so cool!!

girl 12:43am: Right? I love my g-rents haha

boy 12:44am: haha i love mine too, though they grew up in the 30s, still cool:)

girl 12:46am: Definitely. My grandparents are the oldest ones i know of, all my friends have really young ones, so i'm glad that you're kinda sorta in the same boat i'm in :)

boy 12:48am: Well my dad's mom is only 70 haha and if my dad's dad was still alive he'd be 80. But my mom's parents are both 80.

girl 12:52am: Well okay, you're like half in my boat. My mom's adoptive parents are 87 and 83, but her biological mom is only 70 somethin. My dad's mom died this year, but she was young, and i've no clue how old my dad's dad is

boy 12:54am: Well i'm really glad we shared our family tree:) but it's time definitely time to sleep/read harry potter

girl 12:55am: Hahah agreed, sorry to have kept you up considerably longer than intended. Goodnight :)

boy 12:56am: Well you shouldn't be sorry because i enjoyed the extra talk so very much, night kid ;)

girl 12:57am: As did i :) adieu

boy 12:58am: Au revoir

girl 12:58am: :)

sethula

fantastic night. I love real life.

November 1-2, 2010. roboshark.

:|] 12:43 am: Hey i missed yer chat. Whats up

(^^^) 1:24am: I was just wondering if there would be a celebration video surfacing anytime soon?

:|] 1:25am: Haha. I dont think so. Itd be forced. And i was too busy doing my own celebrating haha

(^^^) 1:27am: Thats understandable then, but i cant deny that i am mildly saddened. Im definitely glad they won, i just wish they coulda done it in san francisco

:|] 1:29am: Me too miss parker. But they dominated this team. No need to go back home. They are flying in soon

(^^^) 1:36am: Yeah they did, it was almost pathetic. I guess i would have liked a nail biter but im glad they won nonetheless

:|] 1:39am: I certainly would not have liked yet another nailbiter. The whole year candace..the whole year was a nail biter...

(^^^) 1:47am: Yeah, but still, i like suspense. Granted it usually stresses me out, but i like it haha.

:|] 1:51am: After literally 160 plus games of suspense im okay with pure domination. Out of giants nature. and suspense is sexy. Nonetheless. Its over. And they win.

(^^^) 1:55am: Suspense is sexy? Do elaborate. Please. (Thats a crap ton of games, didnt realize it was that many, so i guess knowing that im a bit happier they won this so quickly)

:|] 1:59am: Baseballs a long season. Suspense sells like sex.

(^^^) 2:02am: Well i knew that, i just didnt realize it was THAT long. Never thought about it like that, but i guess it. I suppose thats why i like suspense then :P

:|] 2:06am: Suspense has all those hissing s letters too. Has to be aesthetic. Somehow... I dont know. MAN! giants are fucking champs. Im content

(^^^) 2:10am: Hahaha well it makes sense to me. Yeah, they are, pretty sick :) now if you could only turn that contentment into happiness... No matter, giants freaking one. Hell yeah.

:|] 2:12am: Happiness is difficult to fathom at this age. Gratifications more popular. Common. things make me happy for a period of time..

(^^^) 2:17am: Well then stop looking for THINGS to make you happy, turn to people, or at least something of value. Our generation is all about instant gratification, about whats bigger and better. We need to take a step back and start enjoying the little things. And good things come to those who wait, according to the old saying; we need to get our patience back

:|] 2:21am: Your optimism is mixed with something i basically deemed phony and regurgitated. Thats me though i dont think anything less of you because of it.

(^^^) 2:23am: Im sorry, i didnt mean for it to be. I just want you to be happy is all.

:|] 2:23am: I know u do candace

(^^^) 2:27am: :/ im pretty sure im having deja vu right now. This is weird. Anyway, reading that text i can totally see how that came across as phony and regurgitated, i probably would have thought the same if somebody had said it to me

:|] 2:32am: Noo. Well ya but i just know to forgive the past and work for me. For now i guess u know. My brain isnt capable of this but im fine with avoiding this beta melodrama i have with people. I blame film and being a mamas boy hahaha

(^^^) 2:38am: Hahaha, two very good scape goats in my opinion. Especially the former. I think that i would have loved to have lived in the early 20th century before the advent of most technology, but they still had cameras at least :) and sorry for the extra regurgitated phoniness haha

:|] 2:40am: Its okay. I will find something genuine, that i wont sell out for, that ultimately will make this permanent happy more a reality.

(^^^) 2:44am: :) i sure as hell hope so. I know ive only told you the one time, but i really do love you jerry. I just want whats best for you, including a normal sleeping pattern :P

:|] 2:46am: Speaking of which im going to bed

(^^^) 2:47am: I am too. You always managed to keep me awake much longer than i was intending to. Goodnight jerry

:|] 2:48am: Sorry candace. Im not that interesting.

(^^^) 2:49am: Dont be sorry. Youre sort of amazing in my opinion

:|] 2:50am: Fucking how? Im not. No

(^^^) 2:52am: Shut up jerry. Yes you are. Youre wonderful. Youre one of the very few people that i actually genuinely enjoy talking to about more important things that "whats up?"

:|] 2:54am: Night candace

(^^^) 2:54am: Night jerry :|]