you broke my heart

but not really.
it's difficult to explain.
I thought I loved you. I thought you loved me.
you said it was real; at the time.
that was a little comforting at least. at least it wasn't some horrible joke.
I don't know why this is bothering me so much, but it really is. I know it's stupid, but I can't help it.
you were 'perfect' for me, I realized that then, but I realize it more now. it's an awful feeling.
and I've been thinking lately, maybe love is a choice. it would seriously crush my heart if that were true, but all the signs are currently pointing towards "CHOICE", away from "FATE".
I desperately hope and pray that I am wrong. I want love to be everything. and I don't want it to be a choice, I want it to be a necessity, something I need, to eat, to sleep, to breathe, to live.
but if it's a choice, at this point in my young and naive existence, I am S.O.L.
I just want to so badly to get over you, to move on, and I've been trying sooooooo hard, but it's just not working. I've prayed about it NUMEROUS times, and yet my prayers still go unanswered.
it's so difficult. I hate this. I really don't want to feel like this anymore. I'd love to be friends, I really would. I just hate thinking about you so much. it's just stupid. I'm stupid.
this is just awful.