friends w/ bennies and more

so lately I've been talking to Zatch. a lot. like for the past week, until 2 every morning. which means I get 5 hours of sleep. not healthy.
in the past 9 days I've lost about 10 pounds. and I've been dry heaving every morning.
but it's worth it. lol.

Zach and I are going to prom together and I got the most wonderful dress. it looks like Belle's dress from Beauty & the Beast. we'll probably go to Penney's to pick it up Sunday.
anyways, Zatch has a friend w/ bennies and they fight all the time and blah blah blah. not a healthy relationship at all. and he told me he wants to date me after prom and such. it amazes me really.
but I don't really know anymore b/c of his whole relationship w/ Mariah and all. I'm so used to being second best all the time and I don't want that. goodness I'm so confused right now.

lately I've been thinking about falling in love and such. and I think I'm in love with the idea of it, but I'm terrified of it actually happening. I'm always the one rooting for the underdog and I love stories of unrequited love. and I feel like I'm always the underdog, always the one who's love is unrequited. and I feel like that's how it's always supposed to be. I know it's not, but that's how it feels. I'm just so confused about everything right now. as well as scared shitless.

but on a really good note, I think Elnora and I are getting better again. I just miss having someone who's always there. a best friend in essence. so hopefully my parents will let her spend the night tomorrow. I need to talk to her about the whole Zach situation. :/