love letter.

11/26/10

jerry,
You drive me mad. Everything you say, I just want more. In case you haven't noticed, I'm in love with you and I realize that it's completely illogical, but since when did love and logic have anything to do with each other? Part of me hopes that once you read this (granted I actually send this) you'll realize how much you love me too. But that's just the hopeless romantic in me that won't die, no matter how many times I try to kill it, (and believe me, I've tried). I'm hoping this won't change our relationship as friends, but I have an awful premonition it will.
I think I have this complex of wanting to fix people, to show them that someone really does care, but with the selfish hope that they'll maybe fall in love with me. And let's be honest, it's worked out so well for me in the past. I blame no one but myself (and the media of course), but it's 99% me. I just want to love people, it's all I've wanted since I was 3.
And I told you this, I'd rather fight with you than not talk to you at all. You mean the world to me and I don't think you realize that. I want your ups and your downs, your good and your bad, your beautiful days and your ugly ones, and everything in between.
I've also to you this before, I was immediately drawn to you from the moment I walked into Melissa's bedroom and met you for the first time. And we talked about handsoap that day, and I have to tell you that everytime I see Bath&Body Works pineapple handsoap I think of you. I know these feelings are all one-sided, you told me that last time I tried to explain how I felt, so it's, well it is what it is. I really do miss our middle of the night phone calls though, there were some of my favorite moments this year.
I know that I must seem to be out of my mind and I probably am. There's so much more I want to say but I can't find the right words, so I'll leave it at this. I love you. End of fucking story.

:|] (^^^),
candace

p.s. this took me 50 minutes to write and it probably took you about two minutes to read and now you'll probably stop talking to me. oh well. "live, grow, move on. be human once again."