january the 26th at 12:23 am

I SAW JAMES TODAY. HE GOES TO BUTTE. BUT REALLY, SO RANDOM, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE HIM AGAIN. SO NOW MY QUESTION IS THIS:

WHY?

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i want to understand his reasoning. that's all i want.

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january

slowly

turning

into

february

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SOCAL ROADTRIP IS OFF. ALEXANDREA DOESN'T HAVE THE $.

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i feel like crying. like bawling my eyes out. i haven't cried in far too long, mostly because everytime i've wanted to people are around, and i don't cry in front of people if i can help it. i don't get it, i've prayed and prayed, for years and years, for something more, for love. i'm still constantly second best, i still don't mean anything to anyone.