you know, I've never really understood Thanksgiving

the whole "thankful" part's never really come into the equation in my family.
so when people ask "What are you thankful for this year?" my response today is "Abso-fuckin-lutely nothing."

Starshine came in at 10:30 to tell me that if I wasn't up by noon that he was going to throw a bucket of water on me to get up. so I took that as he would wake me up at noon.
so when my cousin Alison came in at 1 asking me if I wanted a sandwich or something I was like "Huhhhhhhhh???" and Starshine wasn't around so I assumed he had already gone to Colin's.
but when he walked in the door at 1:30 and came into my room and said "You're not going to Colin's" I was like WTF? and then I tried to explain to him why I hadn't gotten up (b/c I didn't know what time it was b/c I fell back asleep HARD when he came in the first time) and he didn't fucking listen. he never does. like I try to explain something and all he does is talk over me. and then he left. then my cousin said, "Do you think you could be ready in 10 minutes Candace?" and I told her he already left and she said "Well I can go see if I can get him to wait" so I got up and brushed my teeth, went to the bathroom, got dressed. but by the time I got out of the bathroom he had left and Alison said "Well I guess it looks like you'll be going with your mom. He did wait a little while though." so I was like FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK and said "Well I guess I can take a shower then," so I went back into the bathroom and got ready to take a shower when Starshine knocked on the door and asked if I wanted to go. I was like WHAT THE FUCKKKKK? and I told him "I'm about to take a goddamn shower. Just go." and by that point I had already been quietly crying. and then he asked me what was wrong and I screamed at him "YOU ARE!" and turned the shower on and got in. that's when I started bawling. he knocked on the door again and asked "Why are you crying?" and my response through my violent crying was "I'M TAKING A FUCKING SHOWER! LEAVE ME ALONE!" and then I curled up in the shower. that's the first time I've ever sat down in there. and I stayed there for 10 minutes, just crying.
and the worst part of this whole situation is that my mother will take his side. like she always does. I'm so fucking tired of it. all I want is somebody to be on my side for once. I know the obvious answer is God, but He's fuckin Switzerland, He's neutral, He's on everybody's side. so where does that leave me? sitting in the shower. bawling my eyes out. that's where.